Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I pour the whiskey from now on
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
