Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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