Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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