I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
