My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
