Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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