you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
