So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
