dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
