like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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