Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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