I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
