I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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