woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
