pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
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