I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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