its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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