I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
