a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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