the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
