So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
There r osticjed everywhere
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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