GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
