Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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