i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
sex in a hospital.. check
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
