the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
sarcasm needs its own font
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
