in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
