I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That accounts for only three of the penises
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
