Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
