I cannot find my penis.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
