how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
