I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
