u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
