I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
