so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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