Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
