I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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