I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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