Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
