im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
