Nicole vs. Life
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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