I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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