She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
