I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
His hands were made for my vagina.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
