U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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