i just wanna soil my oats bro
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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