No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
