i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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