Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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