No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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