If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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