i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
