there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
