you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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