U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
