he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
