Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize