Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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