Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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