So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
