This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
