Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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