I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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