Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
