This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
