Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
