I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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