I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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