1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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